Book Synopsis
Pam has so many problems, she’s thinking of ending her own life.
And it’s Christmas!
Baby got back… and front
A better writer than Helen Fielding: The Evening Standard
The best comic creation since Alan Partridge: Lynn Barber, The Sunday Times
When I reach eight and a half stone
* I will be able to shop in Topshop. If only I could fit in a size 10 or an 8, just walk in a shop and not even have to try it on because let’s face it I will be straight up and down, then everything would slot neatly into place, completing the easiest jigsaw puzzle in the world: all straight edges
* I will be able to go swimming and not displace all the water
and create a tsunami
* I will fit in changing rooms, without banging my elbows or exposing the moon of my arse through the curtain when I bend over
* I will be able to fit behind the narrow benches at Ronnie Scott’s to listen to jazz instead of being offered a chair, at the end,
a disabled person at a football match
* I won’t go blind from Type 2 Diabetes, or lose my toes, which I haven’t seen since 1996 without the aid of a selfie stick
* I will be promoted and not have my desk moved
to inside the stationery cupboard
*Being morbidly obese is not the same as being disabled, because I can change. I can lose the weight. It’s mathematics, surely. Chemistry. Physics. All the hard lessons I never enjoyed. I will be beach body ready at all times, even in snow. My children will no longer be ashamed of me. I will triumph at the egg and spoon race rather than stopping to nibble on it. My husband will love me. My life will start.
I will be happy. I will be able to cross my legs without putting someone’s teeth out.
I will win.
I will be thin.
About the Author
Liz Jones, former editor-in-chief of Marie Claire — where she ran a high-profile campaign to ban skinny models — fashion editor at the Daily Mail and now columnist and star writer at the Mail on Sunday…
Liz grew up in Essex and suffered from anorexia from the age of 11 until her late thirties and, well, now a bit really. She went to Brentwood High School for Girls, Southend College of Technology and the London College of Printing (renamed as the London College of Communication, University of the Arts). She doesn’t really think she is a goddess, by the way. She merely wanted to annoy everyone at HMRC, and so called her Limited company by this name.
Liz Lives in North Yorkshire with her three collies: Mini, who is perfect, the wonderful but dysfunctional (she thinks she’s a cockerel and starts pawing Liz in the face the minute the sun comes up) Missy and Gracie, who has so far chewed her way through 13 seat belts, the interior of a RAV 4, 11 Sofas, unlimited dog beds, and pillows. Liz also has an ex-racehorse and eventer who doesn’t like apples, carrots or polos and a rescued pony who likes everything including roast dinner stolen off her plate and Quavers.
Shortlisted five times as Columnist of the Year at the British Press Awards
Columnist of the Year 2012 at the BSME awards (or, as Liz likes to call them, the Mad Cow Bongs)
The Evening Standard: ‘A better writer than Helen Fielding’
Lynn Barber, The Sunday Times Magazine: ‘The best comic creation since Alan Partridge’
The Observer: ‘The Tracey Emin of literature’
BBC Radio 4: ‘The Queen of Confessional journalism’
(Taken from Liz Jones website)
Review
I absolutely loved this book! I cannot rave about it enough. This was the type of book that I read in record time as I couldn’t put it down. It was hilarious, witty and some parts made me absolutely laugh out loud at them. I think anyone that has struggled with weight issues should especially read this book, as so much you just nod your head at and makes you think ‘wow I am not the only one that thought that’ It also has a powerful message to it and it will be one that I will re-read again and again.
Disclaimer – Thank you to Midas PR for my copy of this amazing book. I was gifted it for an honest review